EMMA: Hi Zach

ZACH: Hey Emma, how are you?

EMMA: I’m great, how are you?

ZACH: I’m doing well, thanks for asking. How’s your day going so far?

EMMA: It’s been awesome. I can’t complain about anything. I wake up with gratitude and feel super pumped and powerful to start the day. 

ZACH: I love that… Yeah we all need to be like that.

So you’re a Transformative Life Coach and you help women to embody their divine and femine power. Tell me more about that.

EMMA: Yeah for sure. So through my own healing journey I just realized we have so much power. For most women including me, we have this divine feminine energy in us. It’s like a computer going to sleep and we didn’t know we had the power and the energy. So I just want to help women that are lost and feel stuck in their lives to reclaim their power. To realize how powerful and amazing they are.

ZACH: I’m sure this goes super deep into detail and specifics, but can you tell us a little bit about how women can do that?

EMMA: Sure, first I will always tell my friends and potential clients you have to start digging into your own triggers and traumas. It all starts with deep inner work. We also call it shadow work. We go into our shadow. You really start loving the parts you used to hate or feel unacceptable or unloveable. That’s the very first step to reclaim your power. Because whenever you try to run away from yourself or problems, you give away your power, telling yourself or the universe that you can’t do it. When you tell yourself you can’t do it, of course you don’t have power. So that would be the very first step.

ZACH: That’s so incredible and ironic. I’ve heard a lot about shadow work, but wasn’t really sure what it is. Can you tell me a little bit more about that?

EMMA: Shadow work is pretty much going into your inner world. There’s a part of you that you are trying to deny or run away from or you pretty much forgot about, that’s part of you. Where there is light, there is shadow. That part of you could be maybe you have a bad temper. Or your worst trauma. The worst part of you, the nasty part of you that you don’t want people to see and you don’t want to face. It’s the clutter in your mind. That’s the shadow work.

ZACH: So do you need someone else to help you with shadow work or can you do it on your own?

EMMA: That’s a really great question, technically you can do it on your own, but I would say it’s always good to have someone to guide you. That’s why we have Coaches here to point you in the right direction to help you do the work. You could start doing this on your own, but you would need to do some research on what kind of shadow work or trauma you want to tackle. I would say, yes technically you could do it on your own, but it’s going to be pretty tough, it’s like opening a pandora’s box and you know when you open a pandora’s box it’s not all fun and rainbows and sunshine. It’s going to have complicated things, so it would be good to have someone there to help you and support you and guide you.

ZACH:  Can we do a little bit of shadow work with me right now?

EMMA: Sure, the first question I would ask is. Who’s attention and validation did you seek the most in childhood growing up?

ZACH: Hmmmm… Great question, I have to think about it cause I don’t really crave anyones attention or approval right now, I know you said in childhood, but for now I don’t crave anyones approval or validation from anyone. The only person I need to make sure is proud of me, is myself. That includes my parents. I don’t need their approval, I don’t need their validation. I know what I’m doing is helping the world. I know that I’m on the right track. I hope that doesn’t come off as stubborn or anything, I’m very humble and I’m very open minded to other experiences, new opportunities and other ways I can better myself, but to answer you question, I guess the approval of others around me?  Nobody specific. I wanted to be the smartest kid in the class. I wanted to be the best player on the golf team and on the basketball team. That validation wasn’t anyone specific, more like the general consensus of what I thought other people thought of me. 

EMMA:  That is great. We could say you were looking for validation from authority.

ZACH: Yeah

EMMA: So that could go back to one of your parents or caregivers. Because they are your very first authoritative figure in your life. It’s a very deep question. When you get asked that question it’s hard to come up with an answer but that’s ok. So it’s great that you were able to answer right away. That’s a great start. So at least you are very aware of that. You were looking for that validation from that authority. To go deep with that, you could go back and trace back through your thoughts and patterns and your mindset. What type of mindset did you develop around looking for validation from authority? What kind of patterns are you seeing? Sometimes unhealthy patterns that you have around this idea of looking for validation. What did you do to try to improve yourself. Sometimes when you are looking for validation, you attempt to try to please that part of people. Oftentimes when we look for validation, we often have self betrayal and ignore our own needs because what we need is not a priority. In order to reach that level, to please those people, to have them validate our experience, our thoughts or me as a person, we forget about ourselves. You can correct me if I’m wrong, this is in general, how I see it. Most people, when you abandon yourself and put other people’s needs ahead of your needs, part of us will fantasize someone else’s needs as our own needs so you start behaving accordingly. 

ZACH: Yes, so the question was, what was the specific approval I was looking for?

EMMA: It’s hard to identify at the moment, we can say you are looking for authorities approval and validation.  

ZACH: Yeah, that sounds accurate.

EMMA: Yeah, when you have this awareness, you can analyse yourself and have better awareness. I would normally give my clients starting tools to build up habits to view themselves in the third person perspective to get a better idea of how conditioned they are in those thoughts.

ZACH: Kind of like unlearning everything you’ve been taught in your entire life.

EMMA: Pretty much, pretty much unconditioning yourself from the past 20 years of things you’ve learned.

ZACH: So how can I get deeper into shadow work. Is there something that I need to be intentional and specific on in building or is this a conversation that you would guide and we can get deeper into? How I can benefit from shadow work.

EMMA: Definitely, something I can guide. I love it so much. A lot of people are suffering and it does make people uncomfortable. It’s a great way to get aligned with your sole purpose or to your true self. All your power is hidden in the shadow work. Hidden in the pain and suffering that you have from a long time ago or that you’ve built up from the past. We find out the pattern. Where are you stuck the most. For you, it seems like validation from authority. We have to dive deep to see all of your branches of behavior. What kind of behavior you developed to support this belief system that you needed to be better than everyone else. From there it could trigger some inner child issues. Why do you need to be better than everyone else? Underlying is you don’t think you’re good enough. You think you have to prove to everyone else that you’re the best so you think you’re good enough.

Am I making sense?

ZACH: Absolutely… Absolutely. So now it’s important for me to be more aware to not look for anyone else’s approval?

EMMA: That would be the ultimate goal. For now it would be to be aware of having these feelings and thoughts. Whatever you do and those feelings or thoughts that come out, you have to be aware and stop yourself and say, hey Zach, and just be kind to yourself and not be harsh, say hey Zach, I know I’m thinking like this but we are not going to think like this anymore. And that’s why I was saying I like to tell my clients to think of themselves in the third person. You can say, hey Zach, in a kind way, I see Zach is having those thoughts again… We need to stop.  It’s a mind trick.

ZACH: Ahhhh…. Yes that awareness that I’ve been conditioned to think this way. I love everything you’ve said. Thank you so much for elaborating on shadow work. I read a lot about consciousness and I’m really inspired and passionate about the brain and how it has to do with our thoughts and that is the foundation for the mental health mission and message that I’ve been sharing around bridging the gap between consciousness and mental health. Mental health isn’t just about treating depression and anxiety, mental health is about preventing future anxiety and future depression by being more aware of your thoughts and being able to control that narrative in your head and befriend and be kind to that inner voice we have in our mind. So when you mention just being aware that I have that condition as another person and you do that by talking in third person right?

EMMA: Right, and with a kind voice.

I love that you mentioned bridging consciousness and mental health and I 100% agree. We still have this stigma around mental health. Those mental health issues are the tip of the iceberg. It goes back to your inner child problems. Most times it goes back to us not getting what we needed from a parent or caregiver. All those traumas created a disconnect with ourselves, that’s why we have mental health issues. Depression, worrying about the future or the past. All those things added together that creates chaos within ourselves. Consciousness we are aware of our thoughts. For someone just starting right now I like to use the third person perspective. It’s a much better way for you to get a clear picture on how your thoughts are working and how your patterns are contributing to your life right now. So you’re less confused as to what you are doing because it’s a third person perspective and you’re less likely to be defensive and get confused about what thoughts are yours and what thoughts are of other peoples.

ZACH: And treating yourself as a friend and ally.

EMMA: Yes exactly. I’ve seen way too many people, including myself, we are our own worst critic. We’re always hard on ourselves, we are so nice to others but forget to be nice to ourselves.

ZACH:  Absolutely. If we all continue to be intentional about that we can all grow collectively as a community and as a human kind. There would be less greed, less war, less politics, and less crime. A lot more love and kindness and growth. Probably more healthy animals. Less burning trees. I think it’s really important that you continue to go along this path and spread your message and make a positive impact on this world. Cause that’s exactly what you are doing Emma.

EMMA: Yes, Thank you. As we continue to heal ourselves, we are healing the collective. We are love and light and we are conditioned to believe that we are not. And what I’m doing and what you’re doing Zach is helping all people to realize who they really are and heal, which is beautiful.

ZACH: Yeah, cause we are constantly healing. Healing is not just, okay you’re fine now. Healing is constant. Healing is impermanent, It’s always changing, we are always healing and people need to understand.

EMMA: That’s true, it’s a lifelong journey. You never stop healing and learning about yourself. I hear so many say to me. OMG I thought I healed from this, why is it coming back to me. And they start hating themselves or frustrated with themselves. But they forgot this is a lifelong journey, we’ve been conditioned with this over the past 20 years. It’s not magic it doesn’t just disappear. 

ZACH: Emma, it was a pleasure to have you on the Podcast. Is there anything else you want to tell the audience before we wrap up.

EMMA: Yes, I would want everyone that’s listening to this to know that you always have a choice. You are the star of your own movie, not a cameo in someone else’s movie. You have complete control and power to live your life as you desire. That’s my message.

ZACH: Oh I love that. You are the star of your own movie, not a cameo in someone else’s. 

EMMA: Yup, 100%.

ZACH: I’m going to apply that to my life today.

EMMA:  Yaaaay!! I’m happy, yes that’s a very important message, a good mantra. 

ZACH: Well everyone that’s listening, please follow Emma on Instagram, @growwithemma_

EMMA: Yes, I’m very active there, leave a comment or dm.

ZACH: Everyone thank you so much for listening and Emma is there for you guys. Emma it was really a pleasure talking to you and I look forward to connecting with you again sometime soon.

EMMA: Thank you so much for having me Zach. It was a pleasure speaking with you.

ZACH: Thank you Emma.

Emma Huang can be found on Instagram @growwithemma_