In this episode with my incredible guest, Best Selling Author and Business Coach Amber Farooqui we go deep into emotional wellness , and mental health. We discuss some of our biggest challenges and our strongest strengths! You can buy Ambers book “Finding your Fit: A Guide to Living Your Best Life” on Amazon now!
Zach: Hey Amber, hey how’s it going?
Amber: Good, how are you?
Zach: Launch day, congratulations, that’s awesome! I guess everyone can get it on amazon.com?
Amber: Yeah, basically the Kindle. The print is available but the print launch is actually next week. But I mean, either way.
Zach: I love that. I’m trying to live my best life so this is definitely a book that I’m going to check out! So tell me, how someone can live their best life?
Amber: Okay so there’s so many things. I don’t think there is like one way to live your best life, I think there’s so much that you need to work on improving. And that’s kind of what I talked about in my book. It’s not about just one thing. I go over 5 functions of Wellness which are: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and social well-being. I talk about those, and how you master them, and once you master them, you can live a better life for your best self.
Zach: That’s great! I know we just met on Instagram yesterday but for the last 7 years or so I’ve been very passionate about personal growth and self-development and I’ve been reading 50 books – anywhere between thirty to fifty books a year, all nonfiction – on professional development, and everything that you’re mentioning is something I’ve been practicing for the last 6 years. I’ve made a small change in every area of my life – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and social, and those small changes consistently overtime amount to massive results. I’ve made so much progress in my life just by focusing on everything you just mentioned, so we have a lot in common for sure. So, how do you practice some of these things in your life?
Amber: Okay so, I mean there’s so much. I feel like for physical I make sure I’m in shape, so I go to the gym a lot and workout. Me, personally, I work out a lot and I eat healthy things like that. With mindset, I focus on having a positive perspective on all things: being the best that I can be. And then emotionally, I try to be emotionally really regulated. I talked a lot about this in my book and it’s kind of a religious… or psychological, in a way. Being emotionally regulated is really hard, and I feel like I struggle with it still. But, I think I’m doing better so I guess that’s something.
Zach: Can I stop you right there on the emotional because I love I love that you brought up emotional health. It is so important, because emotions are not who we are and when we start to identify with our emotions, like, “I’m sad, I’m jealous, I’m pissed off,” like no you’re not pissed off, you’re Amber. Like you’re you’re not pissed off, you’re Amber and you feel pissed off. But being able to disidentify from that emotion, watching that emotion objectively and watching how it passes through your body and how it changes your energy and the way you feel is so important for moving forward in the best way possible. Because it’s not a good thing to act or react impulsively or unconsciously on said fear or anger or being pissed off. And that’s how we get a feedback loop – one small thing during your day pisses you off, and now you’re bringing bad energy back to your girlfriend or your mom. And then that energy transcends into the next conversation you have with your client…. so you know, emotional well-being is so important, and it starts with identifying that emotion, and talking to yourself, having a conversation. We all have voices in our heads, but when we’re able to change that narrative and we’re able to control that story and be friends with that voice in our head, we’re able to process our emotions better. So, you know, I think that that really starts the foundation for emotional well-being. Being conscious and being aware of that emotion. It’s so important to develop and implement and cultivate early in life, because we don’t want to let our emotions get the best of us. That’s a pretty popular phrase, right?
Amber: you just gave a summary of that chapter. [Laughs]
Zach: Oh, sorry, I don’t want to spoil it!
Amber: No, no, it’s great! I love to see it.
Zach: So what about spiritual, how are you practicing spiritual wellness in your life?
Amber: Spiritual…..I’ve gotten closer to personally finding inner peace, through praying, obviously, and then meditating. Learning to forgive myself and accept who I am right now, in the moment, and then figuring out what my values and morals are in life. And also, making manifest the Law of Attraction. That has a lot to do a spiritual well-being.
Zach: Tell me more about that.
Amber: I feel like a lot of people don’t know what the Law of Attraction exactly is, and I think that when you learn how to use it the proper way you can really benefit with it in your life, and like any area. I didn’t believe in it for a while, but then once I started – like literally in the morning I used to include it in meditating. So, I meditate, and then I have sometimes manifested my dream, basically! So I literally imagine myself in my dream home, in the dream outfit that I would be wearing, in the dream situation, with the dream job. And I feel like I’m getting closer and closer to becoming that person that I visualize every single day. I’m living that life now. It’s crazy to see all of that true action in manifestation.
Zach: You know, it sounds like magic, it sounds like you “do mysticism,” it sounds like it’s not really a natural law but it is. The Law of Attraction starts with your belief: the belief that, “Hey, I can have a 5 million dollar house on the water, I can give my mom a $500,000 payout. I can write a $10million check to the charity of my choice.” And having that belief — like really believe, you’re not just saying it in the mirror but you actually believe it— you start to change the way you act, you start to change what you do, and you start to change your choices every single day. You start because you believe that, “Hey this is possible, hey I am going to write a $10m check to help clean the ocean.” I change the way I live and I act differently because I believe that I’m going to be that person. But you know what the craziest part about the law of attraction is? Me writing that $10m check to help clean the ocean — I’m already that person. The universe just hasn’t caught up yet. And there’s a lot of different secrets and hacks on how you can utilize The Law of Attraction for your favour because at the end of the day, it’s always working. This is natural; it’s like gravity, it’s like relativity, it’s like physics. It’s either working for you, or it’s working against you.You’re either manifesting good shit or you’re – sorry, I don’t know if it’s okay to curse [laughs] – you’re investing good stuff or you’re manifesting bad stuff. So you know, at least being conscious and intentional about trying to have it work in your favour so you can leverage the natural law of attraction to help you accomplish all your goals and dreams. It really starts, like you said, with meditation. I think meditation hits every single one of these 5 things on your Five List of Wellness Practices. Being present in the moment is the most important part of manifesting your goals and dreams. The universe is always listening, and when you’re believing something and you’re going after something, you put that intention into the quantum field. You put it into the universe. And when I say universe, I don’t mean outer space, I mean right in front of you, right in front of your computer, your phone…. that’s the universe, there is energy there. In atoms, in subatomic particles and their cells. There’s other minds and consciousness in plants, the ocean. And, when you’re able to remain present, you’re able to change what’s going on in the quantum field to fit your life. You can read books and learn about consciousness, the Law of Attraction, being present, and heart coherence, which is really important. Our heart is our most important organ. People think it’s the brain, but it’s really our heart. The heart has energy to manifest things we want. So, whether you believe the law of attraction is real or not, I challenge you to at least start changing your beliefs and start being more in control of the narrative in your head. And that’s where it starts.
Amber: I love so much that you meditate. I used to do it daily, I think now I do it like a couple times a week – like three four times. I want to get back to doing it daily, it helps so much.
Zach: Yeah, I meditate in the morning. I mean, I’m very consistent… my routine is just so dialed-in. I meditate in the morning, I have a mat in my living room and meditation bench, and I just sit on the meditation bench. I play some meditation music and I set a timer for 20 minutes, and I just sit there and look at the back of my eyelids. And, I don’t really know if you’re supposed to, a yoga and meditation Guru might not tell you to do this, but what works for me is: I put a pen and a paper next to me while I meditate, and when thoughts pop in my head, I write them down. Things I need to to execute today, or just random Creative Vision type stuff… I write it down. I find meditation is the most important part of my day. Once I started meditating consistently and more frequently and really got deeper into it, I started experiencing different ways of getting into that meditative state within my life. From my personal relationships, to my business, to my focus, to how I feel during the day.. it just all scaled up. So I’ve been preaching meditation for a long time. But I like that you meditate — and look, you know, three days is great. Every single day would be better, but it’s just being consistent, and whatever works for you works. Meditation is the foundation for spiritual health, emotional health, mental health, so I love it.
Amber: Yeah I love it; I’m going to start meditating again, like every day. [laughs]
Zach: Alright so now, what about Social Wellness?
Amber: Yes, the Social Wellness chapter is about how I master my social well-being. I look at the relationships I have in my life, whether they’re friends, family, lifelong partners, whatever it is, and I really evaluate. So often, very often. Sometimes I think I evaluate them too often [laughs]. I don’t know how to explain it, you need to take time to really think about the people that are in your life. There’s one quote that says, “The five people you surround yourself with, you’ll be like….”
Zach: “You’re the average of the 5 people you surround yourself with.”
Amber: Yeah! My relationships and groups on social media have limitations. Not comparing myself to people, not following things that don’t serve me or make me feel bad, and only keeping those relationships on social media that actually make me feel good.
Zach: I do the same thing in a way, about who I spend my time with. And it doesn’t mean you have to say to this person, “Yo, I don’t really mess with you, I don’t really talk to you anymore,” but you have to make sure that your energy is shared with people that are trying to do the same things and who care about the same things. I’m someone who is very ambitious and who loves yoga and spirituality. I don’t care about sports; I don’t care about going out; I don’t care about cars; I don’t care about having fancy things. It’s not who I am. And people that care about those things are people that I won’t get along with. I know that. Someone who cares a lot about a Rolex, and who goes out to the club on the weekend — we’re not going to get along, we’re just not! You just don’t like the same things!
Amber: Keeping a social circle that works for you is really important. And again, like you said, you’re the average of the five who you surround yourself with the most, so everyone should be conscious and self-aware about who they’re spending the time with.
Zach: I’ve tried multiple podcasts in the past and it’s just something that, with being a full time life coach, is going extremely well. We have a thousand subscribers that are getting our daily text messages every single day. I haven’t really found exactly what I want to do with my time when it comes to offering products and services to my life coaching business, but I started just recording podcasts because — I don’t write ideas, I just do it immediately. I started recording stuff, I made a couple episodes of my opinion on coronavirus, on some habits I use, health and diet…. and I’m training for an Ironman race! I don’t know if you know anything about that, but it’s a very intense Triathlon. I want to bring guests on my podcast, and you’re the first guest, who could ask for a better guest than you? But I did want to kind of have a conversation with you and find out some challenges that you’re going through, some of your goals and dreams, some things that you’re working on on how to be a better person, and have a coaching conversation and see if either of us can have a breakthrough! Is that cool with you?
Amber: Yeah I love that!
Zach: Great! So I guess my first question is, what is the biggest challenge for you right now?
Amber: Right now? Okay I have a good one, actually! There are a few, but the first one I would say is —- this summer I had a surgery, and I’ve never had surgery before, it was a major surgery for endometriosis. I don’t know if you know what that is —
Zach: No — I hope everything is okay, though!
Amber: Everything is okay, yeah, I’m fine! I had endometriosis surgery to get rid of the stuff that was causing me pain, and since then I haven’t really been able to do workouts how I used to. Like I mentioned earlier, I would work out a lot, I’m really into fitness – I was a fitness coach for two years. So that was my life basically, and now when I go to the gym I literally cannot lift. It’s just so different now, and I know that it takes time and you can heal and recover.
Zach: What did you gain from working out prior to your surgery? What did you love about it so much?
Amber: I love so many things about it. When I first started working out it helped me get out of a really bad place that I was in, so that was the main reason I started working out, and that’s kind of how I fell in love with it. And then I started doing it because I would feel really confident, I would feel really good. It felt like therapy. I could get all my stress out, all my anger out. I dealt with body image issues — I was very skinny growing up — and I hated that, so it helped me build a better body. I mean, as a girl I felt better having muscle and being toned and all of that. Now I don’t feel like that even though it wasn’t noticeable to anyone, but I’d notice it “the bodies not how it used to be anymore”.
Zach: So you just felt better because you look better in the mirror, and because you were dealing with past body image issues, so going to the gym is something that helped you gain that confidence.
Amber: Yeah, you gain internally and externally.
Zach: Yeah. Ok, so the challenge now is that you have trouble working out because of your surgery.
Amber: Yeah — like I don’t know if it’s because I’m afraid or…. I don’t know if it’s because like — I don’t think it’s because I’m afraid, I just feel like I’m not confident anymore. Like when I go to the gym, I’m like okay what do I do? And I’ve never been like that before like I always know what to do, I’m super confident and I’m scared to lift heavy and I don’t know… I’m trying, but I get tired so fast.
Zach: How did you feel before you even were a fitness coach? Before you even went to the gym for the first time, how did you walk into the gym for the first time?
Amber: I think like how I feel now. I think probably how I feel now.
Zach: OK, and eventually you got to a point that you felt really good about it.
Zach: Do you think there’s anything stopping you from that happening again?
Amber: No, I guess not, but I feel like it’s just harder.
Zach: If this is a setback, it’s either going to set you back or to make you stronger, and that’s something that you have to decide. Are you going to let this set you back, or are you going to leverage this opportunity – going through surgery, taking a few months off the gym – only to come back better than you were before?
Amber: You’re right, yeah.
Zach: Because you felt this way before; you felt this way before, the first time you walked in the gym! Before you were a fitness coach, and over x amount of time – 18 months to years – you gained a lot of confidence, and you were super proud of everything you’ve accomplished! And because you’re not in that spot anymore, you’re like “man, where do I even start?” But that’s how you were before, and you can use this to be back better because you know your potential. You know what you’re capable of, because you’ve already done it. So how are you going to apply what we just talked about?
Amber: I feel like it’s all mind set, to be honest. Like you were saying, it might take a little bit longer this time because I’m recovering, but I think my mind set was holding me back, and I’ll have a better outlook on it and decide if I’d rather make this a set back or actually come back from this even stronger than before.
Zach: But you don’t have a choice, you know exactly what you’re supposed to do! Exactly what your doctor said, start slow! You have forever to workout, if you like to lift weights or do endurance type things, just 1% better a day at a time. It won’t take long for you to get your confidence back – clearly! You know it’s not going to take long for you to get back on track. So I think this is going to be a good thing for you. People have been through crazy things in their life, and – not to put down like what happened to you – but people that have gotten paralyzed, and they find opportunity in it. This is an opportunity for you to bounce back harder than you were before.
Amber: Yeah okay, thank you!
Zach: My pleasure, and listen, I don’t have all the answers, I’m just trying to help. So, what are some of your goals and dreams?
Amber: This list could go on forever!
Zach: Don’t hold back! I want to hear the biggest dreams you got.
Amber: Okay, I’m in University studying marketing and stuff…. I don’t exactly love school. I want my own business, at the end of the day. I started business coaching and Consulting this year because I was doing Fitness coaching, and this year started coaching and Consulting. I really like the entrepreneurship business side of things, it’s way more fun. So I kind of want to make this more full-time and really do this for a living. And that’s like my goal right now, kind of transitioning and making my different coaching and Consulting business. And then, my goal recently was “best-selling author,” but I guess I hit that in a day! And then future goals…. funny you talked about real estate; I’m really into real estate! I don’t know much about it, but I feel like in the future I really want to do that, and flip homes. I just feel like that would be my dream life.
Zach: So what are your like dreams, a little more specifically? Like what are you trying to accomplish in his life?
Amber: I just want a life where I have no worries. Just, freedom, being able to support my parents and family, helping them out. They’ve done so much for me; I want to give back to them. I want to give back a lot — my friends, charities, and stuff like that. And then I want to travel the world, not have a job where I’m really stressed about being in a place at a certain time. 9-5, I don’t want that type of life.
Zach: I think you’re going to do that; you’re already doing it! Your book is already a best-selling book, you are creating a course. You have so many clients that you’re either working with now or that you’re going to start working with in the future, and it’s just going to continue to build. And you’re going to make the right choices and you’re going to continue to work hard and create good habits and suffocate your bad ones and spend your time with people who are smarter than you and have more money and are happier. I try to be the poorest person among all my friends. Money obviously doesn’t always equal success and happiness; we should learn that from an early age. I’m getting closer though for sure, and I’ve definitely made a lot of progress over the last five years or so. It’s like physics: the more you push them or they pull, the more you try to make money, the harder it becomes. Creating as little friction is possible and doing what you love — for you, you love helping people and helping them grow their businesses — you’re just living your life! Like you’re not out here working 90 hours a week for someone else to pay rent and feed your dog, you’re just living. You’re just practicing what you preach, and helping the world. You’re doing God’s work, I’m doing God’s work. We’re changing lives! I literally have clients where I have changed their lives. The little amount of money they paid me to hire me as their personal life coach is nothing compared on a macro-level to who they’re going to become, who they are right now. I want to commend you and acknowledge you, and say that you’re doing all the right things. Double down on what works! Eating healthy was working for me, I was feeling good, I got quality sleep, high energy levels, I felt lighter on my feet. I was like “all right, so eating chia seeds and maca powder and spirulina powder and plant-based diet and celery juice and cucumber juice in the morning, and drinking two gallons of water a day.” So what you’re doing, Amber, you’re onto something.
Amber: Thank you, thank you. You too. You’re killing it.
Zach: I’m trying, and like you, I’m just living my life. Real estate is great in 6 years and every year it gets better. I want to be able to work from my phone, I don’t want to have to go anywhere, so life coaching for me and the Mental Health Collection is something that I’m passionate about. I’m really passionate about personal growth, so how do I just turn my lifestyle into a career and income? So that’s what I’m trying to do. But all right, so that’s your challenge that you’re experiencing, you’re going to definitely make an action on that! And then your dreams and goals – you’re already doing it! Just continue to utilize the law of attraction in your favour. Meditate more for sure, because sometimes you have the best epiphanies. Really turn your awareness inwards — all this stuff is going on outside of us that we can see with our eyes, see what’s going on inside our body, too! Our heart is beating right now, our blood is flowing right now, our brain is providing electricity to neurons and regenerating new proteins and genes that are fighting cancer! Who cares what’s going on in the world, what’s going on on CNN, Fox News, who cares about the debate — your heart is beating!
Amber: I love the way you speak!
Zach: Thanks. I’m just trying to get better every single day. Like, “this is who I am on September 23rd 2020 at 1:40 p.m., how can I be better on September 23rd 2020 at 1:41 p.m?” How can you make the most out of every single moment? So yesterday, and every single day, creating my business around my lifestyle. And you’re doing the same thing!
Amber: Yeah yeah.
Zach: What else? We talked about your challenges, we talked about your goals and dreams, So, ok, 2020: we got four months left. What are you fighting for the next 3 and 1/2 months? You got three and a half months to make the most out of this year. What are you going to do with it?
Amber: Okay. Now that my book is done –my main focus was my book for like the past couple of months — but I really want to get into the business coaching and consulting stuff a lot more. I don’t have to go physically to school anymore, so it saves me time. I used to always complain about never having enough time, and now I feel like this is a time where I can actually like flourish and do really well. I really want to get back into feeling confident, feeling good internally and externally about my body, so that’s always a goal. So, I think those are things I want to focus on.
Zach: I love it. More meditation too, just meditate for one extra minute than you did yesterday.
Zach: So you’re all in on business coaching for the next 3 and 1/2 months.
Amber: All in, definitely.
Zach: Anything else before we conclude the podcast?
Amber: I don’t think so!
Zach: If you want, go ahead and buy Amber’s book Finding Your Fit on Amazon, I’ll put the link in the description of the podcast. And everyone, you can follow Amber on Instagram @amberfarequi. Amber, thanks so much for coming.
Amber: Thank you so much!
Zach: My pleasure, I’ll talk to you soon.